Is it now? How about….now?

In 2004, I received a birthday gift from two kind friends of mine.

I started it, I forgot it. I started it, I forgot it. I never got past page 49. Yet I always knew, in the back of my mind, that whenever I did finally pick it up, and not put it down until finished, that it would somehow be the perfect timing. That I would be ready to hear what she had to say. It’s truly sad that 6 years had to pass before I rolled up my sleeves and started turning the pages with intent.

I began again today. I’m not past my pg.49 (though I might be after the last word is typed here, and before shutting my eyes to sleep), but the change is that I will not stop until I am finished. I can’t explain the back and forth of before. I know that I always needed to active-verb Believe – and that it is a continuing, “present-active-participle” action (see the book for explanation).

I’m thankful that my library has some Beth Moore available. I’ve put two on my list, picking up the first of the two today. Kristin, my dear friend has suggested her to me before. Beth seems to resonate deeply with the life journeys woman of God can proceed down. I know that almost every book I see of hers, could have “Leigh,” right before the rest of the title and it would be perfect (“Leigh, Get Out of That Pit” or “Leigh, say So Long Insecurity“). It probably wouldn’t sell as many copies that way, but I’d sure get the picture.

There is so much that can swirl through my head. But you know what I’m realizing is the only thing that matters? What God is saying. What His words are for me. How He identifies me. Not how I label myself, not how my peers (though they love me and I them) measure me up to be, not what anyone else deems me capable of or what anyone decides I’m made of.

It is only my God who gets to define what I am worth – how I should see myself. These might seem like mere words, but do you personally understand what it is like to let the voices of lies – the enemy’s deception – rule and dictate how you identify yourself? I can imagine I’m not the only one here, am I? 

This is something, that for the first time, I’m really trying to understand. To SEE with King’s eyes, this treasure in a jar of clay. Monday night, I actually gathered enough courage to speak about this briefly – how transformational it would be if only we could see with His eyes who we truly are. Our complete identity. Indescribably life-changing! It’s so overwhelming. But in the best of ways. It’s terrifying too – still in an ok way, because terror is still terror to me. How do you break the mold of behavior you’ve practiced your entire life? It’s not painless, I can anticipate that. So it is now that I’ll finish. Now that I’ll start. 
To end, I wanted to update you on my first week of coffee limitations:
I only had 3 cups!! It may have even been just 2, it’s hard to keep all the days straight. 
I had tea mostly. Chai black tea or green tea. I’m pretty surprised.
    I’m going to keep the same limitation for this week. Just once more, to see if I can go down from here. But I don’t want to try too much too fast. I want to set myself up for success here. 🙂
*In a few days, be staying tuned for my September update on My 12 New Things. This month is the piano! Gotta get in gear. So keep coming back. I truly appreciate you and encourage you to leave any thoughts, ideas or suggestions you might have. Know that I want to hear YOUR heart. Talking just to hear myself think is NOT what I’m interested in, so please don’t be shy.

**One last thing…did I mention I get to hear and see Beth Moore speak – right here in my city of Lowell in October?? She’s holding a conference right downtown the first weekend. I missed out on hearing and meeting one of the authors I respect the most, Elisabeth Elliot, when she came to my college town years ago. I cannot miss this opportunity to hear from another powerful woman of God. I am incredibly excited for Beth’s Living Proof Event. Consider coming along!

2 Comments on “Is it now? How about….now?”

  1. I have done several studies by Beth Moore, but Believing God is the one that meant the most to me. It's the one I just keep coming back to when I need a reminder that God is who He says He is, God can do what He says He can do, I am who God says I am, I can do all things in Christ, and God's Word is alive in active in me! I'm believing God.
    I got to go to a Living Proof Live event two years ago and it was wonderful. Enjoy. Also, check out Beth's blog if you haven't yet. I have a link to it on my blog.


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