The Terror of Truth

The search for honesty in every facet of each relationship in my life…is like balancing on a tightrope. I want to be out there, trying because it’s worth the difficulty. And the thrill and joy from experiencing it is tremendous – but each time I fall off onto the paper-thin net below, I wonder if it’s worth getting back up, stepping back out on that line, and risking everything all over again.

     Relationships/friendships/fellowship…there is such overwhelming beauty in them. Yet sometimes…if I’m being sorely honest…they terrify me to my very core. And being truthful enough with myself to identify the hurts, fears, failures along the way…may be the sharpest pain of all. Because each time that fall happens (and there’s no way to keep from falling off that narrow wire from time to time), I flirt with the question of “why do this again? If I already know what could happen?”

     It’s embracing the act of GROWTH. It’s standing in the warm light of maturity. It’s feeling, and recognizing that no matter who has told you differently in the past, having emotions is not what’s wrong with being “me”. Feeling does not define weakness. Baring your heart and being who you are – in the CURRENT step of refinement, no matter how misshapen the process may be – is not a mark of failure. Living with the load of your imperfections makes you a fallen human. It doesn’t make you too defective to love or support.

     “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:13-14)

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