It’s been so long.
I can let things go too easily. Then in others, I can clench too direly.
If only the right instances were applied to the right reactions.
If only I could cling to the lasting. The promising. The love and grace.
If only I could release the hurtful, the disappointing, the questioning and fear.
Some days surprise me with their brightness and laughter which organically flow from my entire self.
Other days disgrace me with their hovel-hovering moods, their wide-eyed fear, their unsteady footsteps.
I long for the wrong things for so often – I long for it just to be easier.
But I’m never promised easy.
I’m promised security.
I’m promised love that won’t break apart,
won’t pile conditions to be met
or personality quirks to be changed.
I’m promised arms to hold me when I crumble,
I’m promised ears to listen and hear each thought of my mind and syllable of my lips,
ears that will never stop perceiving or seek something better to discover.
I’m promised love.
To be loved wholly
It’s not in the eye of the beholder.
It’s constant. Unwavering.
Life saving and purpose defining.
It is what I need more of today. Hours from now. Weeks from now. It is what I will always need.
Because I’ll never need more love than I already have.
I just need reminding of fact versus fiction
slithering lie versus conquering certitude.
So I’ll write it out.
I’ll read it over.
I’ll unpack Word and tear open binding.
I’ll breathe still. Breathe again.