The Shakiness of Stay

It’s time again. I’m back. I’m home. I’m off the hiatus of life’s busyness to come back to the place where truth flows in levels unbeknownst to me until the last punctuation mark stands. 
We link up. We encourage. And no one can ever tell me a heart cannot be changed, lifted, unified in 140 characters or less. No one can ever say it’s superficial – not a real connection. Because I live it. I know it in my gut, my heart, my head. I am better because of these women. This practice of letting it air out and speaking in truth, in gentleness. There is no bickering. No envy-driven comparison. We learn from each other. We pray over each other. It may be in pieces…but it flows as the Living Water Who saves us. Who is our common denominator of living. 
So if you’re coming today from Lisa-Jo’s kindhearted excerpt of my Five Minute testimony – welcome. You are wanted here for no other reason than because you’re you. We share something, you and I. Not only His love, His Spirit, but a passion for the power of words. The therapy of writing. 
So if you stay and read, I’m honored. But more importantly – go and write. Say what it means to you. Because this week kicked me a new one, and I know I’ll be more lifted up by how Lisa-Jo’s prompt of STAY affects you. Write it out. Share it. 
Until then, here’s my heart…
Photo taken by Leigh Kay 

A plea.

     Eyes wide up, gazing at the higher.       “Stay.”

A broken utterance.

         Hands across a table. Trembling shoulders. Alone in a room yet knowing I’m not by myself. “Stay with me.”

   It is a word – a heavy request – sometimes attempted to be casually spoken. It’s a state of mind that seems never-settled. “Do I stay or do I go?”

Funny…when my lips are the ones forming the one-syllable statement it is only to One.

Because I can’t bring myself to ever speak it to a fellow person. 

I don’t think I have. Not in the ways that matter. Playfully, yes. In group setting contexts, yes. “Stay a while. We all just got here. Relax and let’s chat.”

        Yet in ways that go beyond the inconsequential – the ways that require the robe of pretense to be slipped off and the self to be bare…what it means to truly ask it out loud to another sin-suffering person – knowing full well the answer could be a no. A smirking no. Or even worse, a pity, sigh-filled “…ok, sure…”           little else is quite as painful an outcome.

And the hypocrisy of it all? When He asks me to be. To stay. To abide. So often I freeze in my tracks out of terror, then run for my life in avoidance of who knows what? Because I’m sure not running for  my life when I do that. I’m running away from it.

And all the times (oh the countless times) I’ve implored Him. “Don’t leave. Stay with me stay with me. Just be near.” He never says “I can’t.” He cries “finally!” 
So in that room – when I may have been the only one sitting at that table, but I swear with every ounce that I was not alone. My hands reached across. My body shook in fear, sadness and weariness…I whisper-asked. And my hands were warmed and my trembling found relief and I felt the response “Always.
“The LORD Himself goes before you; He will never leave you
nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
(Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV 84)
“It is the Lord Who goes before you; He will [march] with you; 
He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you;
[let there be no cowardice or flinching, but]
fear not, neither become broken
[in spirit – depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm.]”
(same, Amplified)

10 Comments on “The Shakiness of Stay”

  1. I was saying something very similar to Jesus today. Only mine wasn't, “Stay,” more like, “Don't leave me.” I like stay better. It's more positive and sounds like something you would say to a friend. “Don't leave me” sounds more like something you'd say to someone that disappoints you. So thank you. I needed to read this today. Next time, I'll ask Him to stay.


  2. Oh Leslie…I've said “don't leave” as well. You know what? I think no matter how I heart cries out to Him to be Who He is, in our midst always, the answer is an emphatic “YES. I Am. I will.” I am so glad you came by and shared your heart. Can't wait to read your post this morning. 🙂


  3. Dear Kris…good morning!!! 🙂 Missed you last night. I finally made it back to a party.
    Thank you for coming by. What a blessing! Lovely to see you as it is every time.


  4. Always…yes.
    I don't deserve it but am going to humbly accept it.

    love you, friend. and your heart shines brilliantly here. (as it did in your little snipit on Lisa-Jo's place today! smiled wide when I saw you there!)

    Do you know that song “A Little Longer” by Bethel's Jenn Johnson? I wanted to write about that song this week…just share the lyrics. You've described the essence of the song here perfectly!


  5. Hi Nikki! Thank you for your kindhearted words. 🙂 I have not heard of that song. I look forward to looking that up though!! Thank you for sharing. I love music and finding new songs. You are such a light.


  6. Beautiful write…love your heart, Leigh 🙂
    Oh, I have run from Him, my source of life, and I have also run toward Him, and I have always found His arms wide open, and His heart full of love, for undeserving me…so grateful…Blessings to you 🙂


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