Sometimes you don’t know if you have something worth saying.
You’re unsure if you have a voice that carries. If it should rise above the dissonance this world conjures.
I wonder that every day.
If sentences, thought processes, merely add to the noise or if they enrich. If my jumbled words make any sense. For oftentimes they do not make sense to me.
As backwards as it may seem – I know your voice matters.
- I’ll cheer for you every minute I have breath. Because you’re worth it. Oh how you’ve carried me and endured me.
- I’ll root for your reach each passing day.
- I’ll tell you every chance I get that your influence makes a difference to every person you meet.
- I’ll continue to want to get to know you and thank Him for all the ways He’s made you tender and wise.
- I’ll support you every second of every day. My extra limbs – an extension of myself. because I would not be here without you (my “SSS” family – you know who you are). Truth. I would not. How I open hands and cast head back and catch breath in wonder at how blessed I am for the existence of you, my sisters.
I will climb heights, plunge depths, break down cast iron doors with my bare hands for those I love. You matter to Him foremost. You matter to me unequivocally. I will be your advocate. No matter how many fights we have, hardships, breaks-to-take, misunderstandings. Even if years pass without catch up – I will be there for you. In any form I’m capable.
For such is how I am loved.
i know this. i lowercase myself because i am lowly.
Yet He says He will make me great. Not the world-signified great. The Heavenly Host Great. The surpassing-all-pain-sin-brings-because-I-am-redeemed-by-THE-Great-I-AM.
It’s just that my vision is so short-sighted. Because the cherishing I cast on those I hold so dear always seems to evaporate when i see myself in the lenses. There is a short in the wiring. It’s not conducting – this energy of encouragement and support. Not inward.
And so I wonder each day. Why. And for what. And “ifs” come in packs and “shoulds” spit taunts and “nevers” throw stones and “nothing” cackles louder than the bones that break inside and I’m too tired to plea for stop because inside I sometimes agree.
But He comes.
Drawing lines in the sand.
Naming me His.
Turning over the tables of lies, scattering the insignificant and assigning significance lasting.
because they never stay away for long
He ceases using words because they never hear and he uses his body instead
because He won’t refuse to bleed for me and He holds no love for his bones because His temple is grander
and if the beats keep raining He’ll just rise and absorb every ounce – for He keeps reigning too.
And that is the only truth that will never cease.
In this world I will have cavernous trouble
but my heart is taken and my soul sings loud and my bones won’t shatter at all
because he has overcome the tiny, desperate, callous world.
That means he has overcome my limited vision.
He exists beyond my fears.
My handicaps do not bind Him.
So if I can’t climb those heights for my own heart, if I can’t bear my own depths for terror, if my fists freeze inconsequential and can make no dents in even straw-built doors….He will do it for me.
He will teach me how to be.
He will teach me brave.
He will teach me victory.