The blinker pulses on blank screen, waiting for direction. Asking to be expanded, leaving thought-provoking words in its wake. Witty banter. Keen discovery.

    And I hesitate      again.


Mind reels and scenarios play out and I pray to understand relationships and chemistry between people. Pray bravery in a fallen world when people hurt. When I hurt people.  Hands tingle and knees shake through stumbles and slips.

                And I fear     again.


Smiles open wide and arms embrace fierce. Questions ensue and the game of catch up takes her dance. We share and illuminate God’s grace in our lives. The “what happened” moments of confusion fade between our friendships and between our sentences and we are left with the moments of joy that happened, intimacy and prayer.
         
        And I give thanks for the miracle of growing     again.


I ask what will come. I hesitate every day. I find time to fear before new dawns over something inconsequential. I lack in my ability to give thanks in every moment, though all the time I try and ask for the wisdom to know the difference between truth and lie. Between courage and defeat. Between “i can’t” and “He can”. 

                And He holds my hand     again.


So I find the peace to traipse through one more day. To beg for change in me. Growth in my person and character. Patience through the hurts. Forgiveness through the past. Joy through every instance.

For there is a difference between happy and joy. And even in the times I cannot find happy in the spaces – I can always   …..   always find the joy.

Again and again.