Supposed-to-be-safe-places

It’s back. How I need it…

GO.



Forget the cliffs.    The jagged edges of unknown plummets.
     It’s not the heights.      Or the monsters in closets.      It’s not even the evil this world churns out.

Afraid.

    It’s the supposed-to-be-safe places.

The knowing that you are human.
You can hurt me.
It’s knowing that you have.
   Rubbing the sores of scarred past. Remembering the sharpness of how we slice each other.
Hurts hurt worse when you love first.
    But isn’t that something He knows all about?
He loved unabandoned. Birthed an entire world to celebrate that love.
And we slashed His heart into slivers.
With one bite, we devoured His every hope.
I become an avoider of intimacy.
   It’s been 30 years of practice.  Of seeing what heartache can do to two people who said love would last (when in truth, it might never have been present at all).
Know what that does to a witness? 
      But it’s not blame I name. Nor what I feel. Simply that I have seen. And it’s the prescription of my lenses. 
And it’s not only when looking at one kind of love. 
Intimacy of all its forms…catches breath in throat.
Palpitations in chest.
It’s funny that a girl with asthma is the best at running fast away.
Friendships. Fear.
Taking risks in dreams. Fear.
Owning strengths. Big fear.
Naming them? Sheer terror.
Believing good and beauty applies directly to me? Flat line. 


STOP.

*Well…we all knew when we saw this week’s word that Lisa-Jo wasn’t kidding around. This will be a week worth of deep, heart-pouring posts. This doesn’t really tip an iceberg. I have a guess that many gals will feel as I as the time clicks done…there is more to this string of thought. May we each be brave enough to explore.

10 Comments on “Supposed-to-be-safe-places

  1. Leigh, thank you–for your vulnerability and beautiful courage. Your words remind me how we are all together, one body, leaning towards Him, for healing.. . and that He is big enough to do it. Bless you.

    Like

  2. Hurts hurt worse when you love first.
    Yes, it does. I'm walking out that healing too and thankful for a God who didn't give up at our first slash. Thank you for sharing a glimpse of you in this 5 minutes.

    Like

  3. Having the courage to name your fears is an important step in learning to fight them. Pulling on this string right along with you…

    Like

  4. Jennifer – sharing with you in the thankfulness that He is oh so big! Thank you for stopping by and sharing your kind words. You are always welcome here and I am honored by your visit. 🙂

    Like

  5. Alia! A new #fmfparty friend. 🙂
    Thank you for coming. This post was very snapped and seemed disjointed and highly unfinished, but it felt good to let the stream of consciousness begin to flow. Thank you for sticking through it and understanding what my heart was working towards. Let's keep on this path and see what He has for us.

    Like

  6. So good to *see* you again Jennifer. You bless me every time I see that smile and read your encouraging words. You are kind and compassionate. Thank you so very much. I feel this week just abruptly stopped, but my time ran out so quickly. I feel sometimes that I could go for an hour with one of Lisa-Jo's prompts. 🙂 See you next week!

    Like

  7. Dear Leigh,

    Bless your tender heart…it is hard when our lenses have been distorted by pain and hurt; I get that…and the more sensitive you are the harder the warping…Thank you for your kind and encouraging words over at my blog; you have a gift. May I also tell you that I think you have a gift with your writing. I can relate to what you wrote…let us both name our fears in God's loving presence, and ask Him to give us both eyes to see like He does…will pray that for you this week. Hugs 🙂

    Like

  8. I hold you tight across the miles in a hug of understanding. Thank you so so much for coming here. For this friendship growing and for your tender heart. And your unbelievable compliment of my writing…I treasure it and will pray it's truth to sink into the cracked places. For I know such kindness is God-directed and I'm wanting so much to listen, hear and own.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: