Unattainable Ordinary

I’ve been avoiding it all morning.

    I wrote my heart empty yesterday and I didn’t know empty had deeper reserves as I journaled in my Lent book and teared and sighed…

I know I’m ordinary.
But even ordinary seems so unattainable and lovely sometimes.

After all, I know He has used ordinary objects to declare His Lordship Might.
He has used seemingly simple people to shout great glory upon His name by the way they relent their lives to His using. 
And I sit and wonder and hem and haw and have to ask….really, LORD?
                ‘You have so much at your disposal. 
                 You have this whole earth and all its inhabitants. 
                 Everything in it, is Yours. Wholly. Devoted. Useful.
                 There are so many more qualified and able to represent You in full — look to them. I cannot be what you want to use.’

And I stop typing because I know it’s blasphemy
to say what He can and cannot use
to imply that His power somehow cannot be manifested in one way (me).
I shake my head and want to slap my hand as a schoolgirl because I know that’s not right.
But oh how I sometimes feel as if I cannot help my doubt.
~~~~~
*And I have to stop to obey the rules and I shudder to leave it there. At doubt. 
And I’m empty again and sorrowful and held fast anyway. 
And oh how I wanted to avoid it. 

But grace-filled encouragements like these bid me out of my shell and corner. Whispering words of worth that stick ONLY because I know without hesitation that they are not the words of a sister, but the words of a Spirit working in obedient daughters who declare their heart. For their heart is His and I stand in awe and I bow in thankfulness and humility and accept the hugs…because oh how I treasure hugs and how miraculous healing it is to be held when you need it. When you didn’t even know how much you did. 

So I leave this sprouting leaves of thanksgiving rather than weeds of fear and trembling. Because of Him. Because of Love. Because of fellowship in the Body who somehow never leaves me alone in my lonely.

13 Comments on “Unattainable Ordinary

  1. sometimes following the rules leaves us at a difficult spot! I love the honesty of this, how you let us in to a raw place in your heart and faith that resonates so true. Bless you as you continue to journey with Him.

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  2. Oh Amy, your words reach me and I'm oh so grateful. For your time to come and read these mere jumbled words of mine. For you kindness of response and ability to relate. Thank you so much. You are always welcome and wanted in this place.

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  3. “But grace-filled encouragements like these bid me out of my shell and corner. Whispering words of worth that stick ONLY because I know without hesitation that they are not the words of a sister, but the words of a Spirit working in obedient daughters who declare their heart.”

    I love that. And I love how God chooses sometimes to speak to us through one another in a language we understand. You have done that for me this week, and I cannot thank you enough!

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  4. Andrea…you are more than welcome! I know you've been a muse for my past two days. Wasn't prepared for it, I'll be honest! Whew did I get some soul-working. I am indebted to you. Thank YOU as well. For your words which blessed me immeasurably, for coming here and reading my bits and pieces (hope you got to read yesterday's mini tribute to your inspiration!) and for your sweet encouragement. I am the blessed one. 🙂

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  5. Haaa not sure why I wrote that there….sorry… I am so glad that you came out of your shell and left that doubt at the table. I know I am blessed by simply knowing you.

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  6. Oh Jennifer you are so so very giving. I was just thinking that to myself this morning on my way to a meeting when I saw the email of your comment. Thank you so very much!

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  7. Your honest, raw heart is so beautiful, Leigh. I'm blessed to know you and wow…that God can use us to reach another astounds me. I pray I never get over it.

    and friend—I see how He moves in and through you. He reaches me, too, through you, Leigh. He does.

    All for Him with hugs to you,
    Nikki

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  8. Beautiful Nikki!! I said much to you on my other post just now…but how amazed and awed I am by your ability to bring someone up in the Spirit of Love. You are a member of this glorious Body so incredibly vital and thriving and I am tremendously honored to know you. To every week, get to know you a little more. Thank you so very much.

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  9. Dear Leigh,

    I love how you shared your heart honestly, and how you saw God's Spirit working through your sisters in Christ is a testament to your faith and trust in Him and His ability to hear your heart's cry. Grateful to know you, and I pray you know your voice makes a difference. Thank you for blessing me 🙂 So glad it is working today 🙂

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  10. I discovered you here, and uncovered that I, sadly, did not notice it when you came. Dolly, you are the definition of encouragement and grace. Thank you for always – always being a voice of kindness and encouragement. I miss you.

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