the smallness of ‘i’

“For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!”1
“For I consider that the sufferings of the present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God…”
“…And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body.”2
“For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?
But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.3
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His son, 
so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren;
and these whom He predestined, He also called;
and these whom He called, He also justified;
and these whom He justified, He also glorified.”4

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?”5

 1. Romans 8:15
2. Romans 8:18-19, 23
3. Romans 8:24-25
4. Romans 8:28-30
5. Romans 8:31

So what this tells me today, in this moment, is the reminder that my heart vitally needed to absorb:
          i am secure,
               i am known (my past, my current circumstances, every outcome in my future),
          i am chosen,
               i am family. i stand to inherit all the glory He reveals and so freely offers.
          i am desired – named – beckoned,
               i cannot stand in my own way forever. i will not be the one thing able to stand in the way of His love and purpose for me. It is not possible. i am not the exception. i cannot keep us apart, no matter my scrapes, sins, stallings, fears, shames…
          i am beautiful. Shrouded with purity and redemption.
               i am free. i am held to no debt. i am bound by no chains (not even my own). 
i       am       free.

On days when dreams seem as if they’re wrong; Or they’ll never bear fruit;
In the specific moments when discouragement infects, onslaughting joy and contentment;
During sleepless hours where the nothing can inexplicably take up so much space;
        i soak up the promises of Romans
          of His promises scattered everywhere else in this unabashed love letter.
                  i must.     i have no other choice.    
             It is breath.       It is nourish.       It is healing.       It finishes all empty longing.
It is the only freedom one never has to lift a finger to fight for, because it’s already appeased. 
Such is the explanation of an “overwhelming conquer“.

It is smallness of me, the lowercase of ‘i’, because the answer has never been myself nor my pronoun beget by attributes.          No, the answer has always been the magnanimous essence of HIM.

May i learn how to stay small every day. So that i will never miss a second where I see Him as big.

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