Noticing Decent

Photo rights: mine.
Taken in Chicago, 2013, atop the Willis Tower
And it shouldn’t hurt to type letters. 
     I shouldn’t hesitate to empty thoughts from mind to that more tangible. 
And yet it’s been so long….
Fall is often romanticized – used in butterfly moments of giddiness and venturing into the unexpected. 
        Perhaps that is the correct way. Perhaps it should be thought of in such terms. 
               Yet all I can usually associate with such a word is: fear.       The all too knowing emotion of “nope, can’t do that”. Why would I want to reach a point where falling is the conclusion? 
Oh but then sometimes…..
   These are my first written words in oh so long.           I’ve missed it.        I’m terrified of it.     When did that happen?
  And I think of my community of writing sisters and I empty because I’ve not “heard” their voices in so long and we used to sit by screens or ears next to phones and venture into life, sharing and encouraging.     And I’ve taken myself out of the game.     I go through seasons like this where I’m falling and it’s become so regular I don’t notice the decent anymore. Where though I’m slipping I somehow cease for feel the loss. For it becomes natural rather than starkly aberrant. 
And this all happens when I’m living the rest of my days quite happily. Functioning normally, adding to society and going about my other daily functions. You would think it would be during a season of shutting down across the board – this free fall of missing and lack. You would think it would be the staple of my behavior in all areas.
Yet somehow, not now. 
Not here.
This has become the only drop.
I ache from it, though am temporarily paralyzed. 
Was immobile. 
….I guess I am here today.
Is that a start?
~~~
    And I am linking. I come back as a wayward sister. Having known, all along, what I’ve been missing. Longing to come back to the fold where warmth is served with hugs, and welcome is the only wellspring that never runs dry. Stop by Lisa-Jo’s. Don’t hesitate as I have. You’ll do a great injustice. Bask in the words of beautiful hearts. And join us by sharing yours. 

8 Comments on “Noticing Decent

  1. So close to my own thoughts (only written much more poetically)Thank you, that was lovely. 🙂
    ~Cara @mydayintheword.com

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  2. Cara…thank you SO much. For your words. For coming by. For you own admissions that I'm not alone in this. I so appreciate you.

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  3. You're not alone. For me, it was the unexpected death of a close friend that quieted my desire to join in at Lisa Jo's; because you see … she used to post with me. And I'm back today, but only once or twice since the beginning of the year ~ I'd say I miss it but not sure I do. Perhaps because within the community some others don't play along and don't visit or do visit and don't comment and so it stops being fun & borders on being an ad for the blog. I miss the community – but the old one not what's become. Sigh. Such melancholy – sorry! 🙂

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  4. I've not had the privilege of meeting you in your space, until today. What a beautiful post to write on your first day back. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly your thoughts. Blessings!

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  5. Dear Leigh,
    I was thinking of you yesterday and wondering how you were doing, but not wanting to pester you with a call…Welcome back, and I'm glad you are writing and sharing your beautiful voice…Hugs to you 🙂

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  6. Oh Felecia, you have nothing to be sorry about. I am so sorry your heart has been downcast with what is supposed to be such an enormously uplifting endeavor. And more than that, my heart hurts with yours at the news of losing a dear friend. Unimaginable. I am so sorry.

    Thank you for coming here and sharing what is on your shoulders today. Truly, I am honored by it. May today surprise you with blessing in unexpected smiles and encounters.

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  7. Oh Barbie!! We have been able to speak via those #FMFparty times. At least I believe so. I know your lovely smile and recognize your name. 🙂 You make my heart joyful to see your words here. Thank you so deeply for your encouragement and your visit. What a blessing!

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  8. Oh Dolly, please please hear me when I say you could never pester me. Especially not with hearing your sweet voice. I have the schedule of a teenager and the sleep patterns of a surgeon (without the enormous intelligence!). I have missed you and want you to know that truth. May it sink into the marrow of your bones, to know you are missed, appreciated and thank-prayed for. I'm hugging right back and cannot wait to touch base soon. Thank you for your amazing heart of gold.

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