When I want to be beautiful

I want to seek beauty. To be surrounded by it. To absorb the gentleness of grace. 
For grace is beautiful. 
      And so often, when my focus can steer off course, I find that I  –   I want to be beautiful.
But if grace is beauty, mercy is then lovely. And compassion…selflessness…these are simply stunning. 

I want to be beautiful.    I want to be seen as all things lovely.    To be regarded.     To be seen.

So I must immerse myself in grace. Tender mercy. Flooded compassion.
                  For when I submerge, I come up changed. When once I was dry – cracked, rough, and when I then dive into the deep, to the river of defined blessing – I am changed. I surface, quenched in new. No longer coarse, but smoothed at the edges. 

Like a river stone – with raging waters unyielding in their tumult, changing the shape of corners and jagged portions into smooth, polished bodies – do I become when I submit myself to the current of growth. 

   There are countless other ways to which I could strive to be “pretty”, or “head-catching”. And I am human, and a woman grown from a girl raised in a world demanding of what it deems worthy. So I have wanted to be that which is not best to seek after. I have wanted to squeeze into labels an ever-changing society sews as an acceptable identity. But I know better. 
                                                                                     I can’t pretend that I don’t. 

And being desirable in the eyes of others is a tightrope walk without a net.
It’s not worth the risk with shaky, clumsy feet such as mine.
So even though this is true, I do not have to settle. I do not have to compromise for being seen as something else. I must instead, grasp the version of lasting beauty – the qualities that define that mesmerizing view. I must turn my efforts to strengthening the practice of patience, the stretching of being filled with gracefulness, the showering of mercy upon others (and equally as important, upon myself). I must choose compassion when I want to justify, choose selflessness when I want feel validated, or seen. Because at the end of it all, I don’t have to strain to be noticed. I am already seen. To the very corners of my soul. All the parts and pieces that even I may not be aware exist…they are beheld. Known. And no matter what shards or darkness lies in those spaces, I am still loved. I am still seen as worthy, as quality. 
I do not need to want something that I already possess.     
I just need to allow my brain to recognize what my eyes see. I have everything I’ll ever need. I am who I should be. Already. And every day, from one degree of glory to the next, I will get to grow into something even more breathtaking than I could imagine: an image of He who created me.

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