Learning to Choose

Heart beats rapid.

      The anticipation of words forming, thoughts leaking, habit breathing life after suffocating silence.

Choose is a word too powerful to harness. Often I conveniently push aside the truth that such action is not only attainable and available to me every millisecond of every day I draw breath, but further I rummage through the excuses that lie to me just how little I “need” to choose anyway.

Yet it blisters me with its brightness shining deep into my eyes: I have the power of choice.
                                                                                                                      I have the freedom of choice.
                                                                                         I need to muster the courage to CHOOSE.

Credit: Flickr user Eric Vondy

Confession: I have a fear of this verb. Sometimes. In the larger ways that evoke profound change of some sort or could lead to alteration that I would have limited knowledge of the outcome it would produce.
The change isn’t what’s scary. It’s what possible decision I make that could lead to the wrong change rather than the right change which gives me anxiety.

Small choices hold less paralyzation over me. I can make decisions. Even some “bigger” ones (what to study in school all those years ago, where to move and when to move, who to spend time investing in and knowing who hurts me more than supports me – thus choosing how much to allow them to influence me). And as I get older, some things become clearer, easier for me to identify and move within or outside of. I see such growth and I am enormously thankful for it. For the opportunity to learn and for taking the steps to be taught rather than ignore.

                 Yet still, I falter, dither, fear and stagnate. I avoid taking a step for the sometimes overwhelming fright of hamartia. Still….with His patience and leading, I improve with every situation given me.

Numerous choices are repeatedly presented me. Some I can feel more confident to accept and proceed through. Others still loom intimidating and cause me to falter in bravery. And still others bully menacingly, taunting my weakness and reminding me of my misguided trusts and minuscule faith.

The truth of the matter – this word – this honor of action will never leave me nor exceed my reach. I am always offered a choice. If not in tangible occurrence (i.e. what may happen to me or to others I care about – often being out of my control altogether), then always in the ability to decide how to act and react to circumstances.              In many forms, in every fashion – to choose is to realize the scope of freedom. Freedom only He can provide. That which only He can truly deliver.

~~~~~~~~~
Disclosure: I took longer than 5 minutes friends. It’s been ages since I participated, and there is much swirling within me, not just about writing in particular, but about this word and the weight it carries. I wasn’t able, even with the allowance of overage, to dive into the specifics of what my insides are circling around in this matter. Yet still, I am here. Struggling. Trying. Thankful for the welcome as always.
    Join the voices raised, the hearts shared, the always-welcome community of Lisa-Jo and the 5 Minute Friday crowd of brave.

12 Comments on “Learning to Choose

  1. Such a weighty word is entitled to more than five minutes, I'd say.

    I was complaining (of all silly things to complain about) yesterday, about my lack of strong time management skills and how I wish I just had a boss, or mom, to come in and say “do this. Do this. Now, do this.” But really, your post made me realize that it's about choice… It's a huge word and likely that's where my issues are. Something I've never really considered, until now. (but now I know how to pray, which sounds a bit terrifying!) Moving forward to muster that courage!

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  2. I never thought about choosing as being an honor we have. bold words for a a weighty word. glad you wrote today and hope you continue to.

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  3. Nickolee thank you greatly for stopping by in union to FMF. 🙂 I am thankful for your sweet words and am heading over to read yours as well!

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  4. Misty…oh fellow sometimes timid-sister, your words of understanding are soothing to the soul. Thank you so very much for coming today to share your own thoughts with me. I am grateful. 🙂 Cannot wait to read your words on this enigma of “choose.”

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  5. Good morning Kara! I'll admit to you that I often forget that privilege myself. I've touched on it in the past when I allow myself to realize just how precious that ability is. But still, it escapes me often until I am reeled back in and shown that truth, that beckoning of action. Thank you so very much for your gentle encouragement. It means so much. I am greatly looking forward to seeing what He has laid on your heart for this word today.

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  6. Dear Leigh,
    I am so delighted you chose to write and to visit me…as I was thinking of you…really…and it is funny how you then showed up at my blog the next day…lots has been going on….and I think the fear of choosing can cause us to lose our God given freedom as I have seen this in my own life…and for me to learn that God and His Grace and Love are bigger than any choice I make …the most important choice is to choose Him and ask Him for the grace to choose Him and His ways over my own…blessings to you, sweet friend 🙂 Sorry I have been absent…too long to write about here.

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  7. Oh dear Dolly, I'm the one who is sorry for our lack of communication. You are a wonderful communicator, a wonderful writer, and a gifted member of the Body. I truly hope we can speak soon. I have a new number and a new phone. I'll text you this week and make sure we schedule some time. 🙂

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  8. Leigh Kay! I was on Lisa-Jo's blog and was scrolling through people who had linked up to her 5 minute Friday posts and saw YOUR face! This is Lauren (Johnson) from Denton! In case you don't remember from my name, we went to Memphis together many moons ago on College Life spring break trip! I didn't know you had a blog. I'm blogging at Abidingmarriage.com. Loved your words in this post!

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  9. Of COURSE I remember you Lauren! Do you want to know the absolute strangest thing?? Last week (mere days ago), I spent a good amount of time scrolling through old pictures of the Memphis trip albums. I was thinking of you. It's unbelievable that we're reconnecting now. I was looking at your lovely face and wondering where God has taken you. Thank you SO very much for coming by. I cannot wait to head over to your blog. Let's catch up please!

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