What Should Be Loudest

My infrequency of speaking about it does not equate to apathy.        I have quite a few thoughts about it.                    The injustice.             The double standards.                 How one instance is not blanket-equal to another.             How just because there IS very real bias and hatred and reviling and profiling an more, does not mean that every story is a hill justified to die on.

Because the first is in no way the same story as the last, the most recent.
The specifics are different.
The evidence is different.
The truth of what happened and where responsibility should and should not lie…that’s different too.
But the verdict was the same.
                                                                                     And I’m baffled by it. I stand in the wake of it and know…it isn’t right.
          I believe that while there is a grand, overlying, real, pressing, and continued-to-present-day prejudice, racism and human problem on our hands (though it may be manifested in other ways than decades and centuries ago), that it doesn’t bring allowance for blind assignment of payback with any and every proclaimed incident.                   This is a very legitimate evil that happens every day – bigotry and lies and laziness towards being the change rather than adding to the nonsense and clamor.
                  But I beg us all to be careful not to point and blame and assign every instance as equally unjustified – because isn’t that going to the opposite extreme and remaining in the unwillingness to discern fairly? Can we agree to not rush to judgement every time? Are we automatically calling all things we see that are yellow, lemons? We know lemons are yellow. That’s a fact and it occurs and it’s around us so much – so all yellow things must be lemons, right? Yellow can’t possibly be daffodils too. Or bananas. Or sunshine in paintings.
It’s a juvenile comparison, but can you hear my point?
I often don’t say a word because on almost all things in this life, not just this giant, vital one, because I don’t believe my voice to be validated.
           And in this……how could I pretend to believe I’m worth being taken seriously or that I have any authority on this? You will never, not for one second, hear me claim that I understand. That I can imagine. That I can relate on even the smallest sliver of levels.          That’s crap.     I could never put myself in others’ place who live this fear and vitriolic demoralization day after day.
So please know, I am not judging how emotional, instantaneous responses can happen. I’m not putting myself in a place of telling anyone how to feel. EVER.
But I know my heart is breaking.
I know my longing for a better solution, a better reaction to one another in life, in every moment, drives my ache for change.
For peace.
I cannot….I cannot look at this without tears of my own streaming down.
      The eyes…the emotion of everything that is impossible to understand and everything that can never seem to be avoided in the fractured world….it’s gushing out in one expression and…yes.
What an embrace is capable of accomplishing.         It      is       miraculous.
At the end of the day, at the end of every day, I yearn for love to be louder than hate. For compassion to stand taller than jealousy. For calm to quiet the storm. For peace…..peace.
        With that, I finish with one of my favorite Christmas songs as of the last 5 years or so. I listened to it yesterday and almost buckled in wish and prayer and thankfulness that Hope always remains.
Be good to one another.

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