[Insert big sigh here]…

Y’all…..yep.      I mean, we all tried to find the words and a sigh, a “yes”, and lots of Southern drawl later and it pretty much sums it up. I remember after one talk in particular – by the truly spectacular Chrystal Evans Hurst – my new and dear friend Julie looked over at us, her now family, and said “well, we can go home now”. Because Chrystal BROUGHT that message.
Every woman who stood on that stage, or in the conference rooms, brought the message.
Chrystal’s, in particular, was my personal hardest. It broke me. Through and through and bless the hearts of the four women I can now claim as mine – they wrapped arms around me and let me go under it.

To unpack it all will take me days, weeks, all year perhaps. So I hope you’ll forgive me for not laying it all out to dry here. The truth is, I’ll need the sun to warm it for my own understanding before I can tie it up for anyone else.

What I can do is tell you it was hard. And scary.
It was gloriously easy. And unintimidating.
It was hundreds of women who severely lacked one ingredient – judgement. I cannot explain the spectacular undertaking to gather broken women together at a conference where we’re all trying to find a voice in our space and resolve the ache to be seen with the comfort of knowing we can never been held any higher than in the arms of our Jesus – and to not have a single strand of competition, not a single shard of clique or corner or separation.
It is miracle splashed over every skin and wall and soul. 

There will be more to say. I happen to know that to be true, because something was asked of me there (which has been both a complete shock and what, if I’m honest with myself, has been a Spirit-whisper for an embarrassingly long amount of time) and I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’ll start or finish or do.          But if obedience is what I long for, then falling into the fray is a must.

I may not want to talk about it – right or wrong – yet. Please don’t take it personally, I promise I will let it out to breathe. I just need some time with it first. And He needs time with me.

     He had me cornered in state lines and rental car and hotel air.
He set it up and bade me sit still, listen to what I’m trying to speak to your soul.
I am left thanking Logan and the women who bring this space wide open to us all. I’m left thanking the men brave enough to walk into estrogen and encourage us well and support the women in their lives and by calling us sisters.
I am left with much to do. I am left full and trembling and terrified and grateful.

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