That’s how long it’s been since I came to this space to speak.
I’ve gone longer, but it still dampens my spirit, the hiatus between the coming. My sister-sage-writing hero- friend Kris Camealy declared the most perfect insight on the practice. She put in syllables what my soul tries so desperately to convey, when her son asked her “Why do you write?“:
“I tell him, with a rock-sized lump in my throat, that I don’t always know how I feel until I touch my pen to the paper, and only then, does my own heart come into focus.”
I saw her post and tears spilled on the screen. This, I commented on her post on Facebook from whence her wisdom came, this is it EXACTLY. This…..it what I echo in all the chambers dusty and darkened, used and lit. You have said it perfectly.
I went on to message her privately and explain: “I wanted to explain why what you said affected me so. You have given this mute girl a song. Thank you for releasing that tension and confusion and reminding me – this is our reconciliation of all things. Writing.”
I adore that we can do that for each other – speak the truths that we didn’t know we were trying to utter. Give light to the shadowy spaces of our soul.
That is the beauty of art in all its forms – artists inspire artists. Artists inspire us all.
There as been both reason and no reason for the silence between my posts. It’s much, and it’s little. It’s all combination of life being lived and words just falling short. If you create in any form, I think you can understand what I mean.
I don’t have the time to say the thing I’ve been battling to know whether or not to say in such a forum. I’ve agonized and prayed and run from and timidly approached. I have still not fully come to a conclusion.
Whichever result is decided upon, I wanted to declare with ardent conviction that writing saves me. In a very honest, impactful, tangible way – it saves me. It gives me breath when I didn’t know I was suffocating. It lifts the weight from my ribs, my shoulders. It is my freedom, my therapy, my refuge, my wisdom-revealed, my learning, my catharsis, my healing.
Praise my ever-merciful Maker for creating me this way.
Whatever act gives your being breath – I pray you let it. I am honestly devoting today to praying that you give yourself the permission to submit to your freedom – however that looks for you. Whether that be in exercise, in nature, in the creation of something, in the planning of something, in the company of others or in the quiet spaces of just yourself as your company. Whatever you need to feel the weight lift – I beseech you to comply today. Even if just for 5 minutes. Breathe deep. Inhale, exhale, rejuvenate.
Watch the revolution occur.