It’s been since February that I’ve come here to type and outwardly ponder.
Late February and early March brought a world of transformation to almost all countries, all people.
This quarantine life has become a surging, ever-challenging, sometimes changing long-term reality for us all. We are far from new to this quiet routine and while it’s hard to allow oneself to hope, there may be light in the not-too-distant future of a reopening of life, of exploration, of interaction with one another physically.
Everyone handles this differently and what I hope emerges is more compassion, less fear. More grace, less hatred (oh the events of this time could fill volumes). More contact, less distance. More love, less judgement.
What we’ve been up to in the Gorham house is time spent together, cooking, home projects, baby preparation, nursery readiness, supporting local business (take-out/curbside), growing budget by spending less (though buying for baby takes it’s own income), relaxing, cleaning and cherishing the time together.
While my work did not diminish in any way (I continued full time from home, which was a great blessing, though tiring in its own way), husband’s was more flexible though gratefully, he was able to continue as an essential member of the city in which he works as well. His days looked much different, but there was no furlough and we fully understand the miracle that many were not able to have by keeping our employment during this time.
I am ready for masks to end. It has contributed a bit to my anxiety which while pregnant, is generally strongly discouraged and to be avoided. that will be my greatest relief, when we are able to throw those away for good and see the smiles on the faces of those whose paths I cross. It will literally help me breathe better and I’m looking forward to that normalcy for which I could have never guessed would be hindered.
I am one of the lucky ones – who gets to give birth towards the end of this scary time. Yes, it will take a very long time for hospitals to return to the leniency they held before (if they do, at all). While my family will still be forbidden from the joy of being on location, in the waiting room, waiting for his arrival and to pour over us the love of congratulatory affection (this likely will take the longest to come back in terms of health and safety in hospital protocols), my husband is able to be with me and that is the most important, vital part of this – from my perspective.
I know there are countless women who have to give birth alone. I cannot begin to describe their strength and survival to go through one of the the hardest and most challenging parts of life. They are warriors.
I don’t know if I would be strong enough to do this without my husband in the room. So I’m praying that nothing prevents that from happening. We have only 6 weeks to go, which is surreal to consider.
Due to the timing of everything, we were unbelievably fortunate to be able to have maternity photos professionally taken as the phase 1 ban allowed for our photographer (who took our engagement photos as well as wedding photos – along with her husband) to schedule and perform our session safely.
She returned our gallery in less than a week! I cannot believe it. She really is phenomenal and if you are in the Missouri/Kansas KC area, I cannot praise nor recommend her enough. Visit Hannah Deer Photography to see why and to hire her for anything you may need. Seriously, she is amazing and this is non-solicited, purely satisfied customer gushing.
I’ll end the post by sharing some of my favorites. It’s not easy for me to see myself in the kindest of lights. This spills into physical as well as internal and is something God has been refining and sanctifying in me for a lifetime. He has given me amazing people to shed light on truths over lies and redemption over shame.
All that to say is that while my negative self can find ways to be embarrassed or shy about my size, my changing body, the weather’s effect of my hair (vanity, I am fully aware) – it is the softer, more accurate voice of He Who knit me and Who knits our son within me, that affirms over me the beauty and miracle of everything. Including me. Outwardly and inwardly. I am striving to hear and listen to that voice over my own inner-critic.
With that in mind, I share just a few of the many that did bring warmth to my heart and a smile to my face. I know that these are moments I’ll never get back and the beauty that radiates is honest, pure and worth celebrating.
So if there is a way that amidst this shut-in life we are living, that this brightens your day – then my hope is fulfilled. I have loved the ways I’ve seen people rally through online avenues – coming together to share and celebrate the good, the caring, the love and laughter. There is little else more stunning, then supporting one another through dark and light.
Maternity Images by: Hannah Deer