I’m oscillating between strength and weakness. Between functioning and being back to “normal” but then mourning and being angry that instead of packing my hospital bag and putting the finishing touches on our nursery in these last few weeks, I’m not. There is no stocking up on supplies. There is no prepping and planning.

It’s been a harder couple of weeks.

There have been some difficult hours and He has never hidden from me, nor allowed me to hide for long from that which (or those who) could speak healing over me. I’ve been struggling to see my needs as valid – okay, truthfully I always struggle with this. Every.day.

It will be difficult to describe         though I know that anyone who can relate will understand without words having to be spoken. When you have a passion that is shared with a defining part of the world, it… Read More

One of the undeniable attestations of being a human is growth will keep coming. One of the side-effects of being an adult is the hurt will visit frequently and the discomfort will be a close companion. I’ve had the topic to which… Read More

credit When it sneaks into facets of your life. Unpredictable, invasive, worming it’s way through healthiness and systematically degenerating the fruits of living. It can be different for everyone – what fear affects. What its triggers are. How heavy or fleeting it… Read More

Learning to Choose

Heart beats rapid.       The anticipation of words forming, thoughts leaking, habit breathing life after suffocating silence. Choose is a word too powerful to harness. Often I conveniently push aside the truth that such action is not only attainable and… Read More

Waiting For Want

Caught between listlessness and desire.      Knowing the hoped for ending still does not provide intuition for the moments between. Bare minimum.       Feeling the ease of sitting on bench, watching all else go by.    Weighing that against… Read More

Noticing Decent

Photo rights: mine.Taken in Chicago, 2013, atop the Willis Tower And it shouldn’t hurt to type letters.       I shouldn’t hesitate to empty thoughts from mind to that more tangible.  And yet it’s been so long…. Fall is often romanticized –… Read More

Unattainable Ordinary

I’ve been avoiding it all morning.     I wrote my heart empty yesterday and I didn’t know empty had deeper reserves as I journaled in my Lent book and teared and sighed… I know I’m ordinary. But even ordinary seems so… Read More

When it all will happen again…

The blinker pulses on blank screen, waiting for direction. Asking to be expanded, leaving thought-provoking words in its wake. Witty banter. Keen discovery.    And I hesitate      again.Mind reels and scenarios play out and I pray to understand relationships and… Read More